Standing up to bullies and classroom enemies can help children develop. This dramatic finding was made by psychologists from UCLA. (article here)

In a study of 11 and 12 year-olds, researchers studied those who stood up to bullies and those who did not. They found that children who returned hostility with hostility appeared to be the most mature.

Boys who stood up to bullies and schoolyard enemies were judged more socially competent by their teachers.

Girls who did the same were more popular and more admired by teachers and peers.

What does this mean?

Well, far from conclusive, it raises some interesting points.

Is the bully 100% responsible for how someone responds? This is what the people arguing for “anti-bullying” legislation would lead us to believe.

Or, is this a more dynamic and complex issue?

Bullying in its most clear form is nasty. We’ve all seen kids pick on other kids. But, do we need laws to “protect” us?

And who is responsible?

With bullying, there is the behavior and their is the interpretation of the behavior. One person’s bully is another person’s obnoxious idiot. Who decides? A court?

From the study above, it seems that some kids took responsibility and stood up to the bullies and some did not.

As a society, we can trend toward victim mentality where everything is someone else’s fault and “there ought to be a law (and lawsuit).” Or we can move toward a more empowered society, one where personal responsibility is more then a buzzword.

I’ve been bullied, I’ve watched others be bullied and I’ve stepped in to stop bullying. I understand first hand the impact bullying can have. I feel for the people being bullied…and… I understand the challenge and difficulty of taking responsibility for my actions, accepting that how I respond to a situation is also a part of it.

As a parent, I can understand the parents of kids who have been bullied wanting to blame someone else for their child’s attitude or, worse, suicide.

But is that a response that makes society better?

Are more bullying laws going to stop bullying?

As the kids in the study demonstrated, responding in kind is one method. So is turning away and ignoring the behavior. So is getting some friends to help, or talking to your parents and soliciting their help. Perhaps teaching more emotional fitness in the classroom rather then trying to regulate any behavior that could have negative consequences.

Bullying is not something that can be clearly detected. It’s not going away with new laws, especially when governments and organizations around the world continue to demonstrate and model bullying for others to emulate.

Standing up for yourself is always a good idea. Learning to stand up to bullies (and teaching your children to) is a better use of your time and energy then trying to enact laws against such a nebulous behavior.

Let’s continue to address inappropriate behavior when we see it, but let’s also teach our children to stand up for themselves. That’s the best way to send the bullies away.