Bullying can be effectively stopped by teaching responsibility for the well-being of others. That, according to Susan Engel and Marlene Sandstrom in a recent article in the New York Times, here.

But, is that all there is to stopping bullying? What about teaching responsibility for the well-being of ourselves? What about teaching that our emotional fitness is first and foremost, our individual responsibility?

The article does a good job of making recommendations for combating and dealing with bullies. However, I disagree with the emphasis on schools and administrators as the primary teachers. Mothers and Fathers should be the primary teachers to combat bullying behavior by their children, or teaching the targets of bullying to stand up for themselves.

Whether that means saying ‘no’ to the bully or bullies, or asking appropriate personnel for help.

Enabling the targets of bullying does little to teach them the skills necessary to deal with the next incident of bullying… or the next. A simple look around will show bullying is everywhere.

The article sites a school yard experiment that measured bullying incidents 4-1/2 times per hour on the playground. Another poll showed 75% involved in bullying related interactions. Looking at how governments and various political groups behave, it’s clear that bullying is part of the culture.

Since bullying is subjective, proving it will turn into a popularity contest. Whichever faction is in charge in the local jurisdiction will prevail. That is not justice, but more in line with mob rule.

I agree that teaching people to look out for each other has merit. But making me responsible for someone’s well-being (besides my children) is not empowering either.

By taking personal responsibility for yourself, and teaching personal responsibility in others, you empower everyone to deal effectively with inappropriate behavior in whatever form. Bullying is here to stay. Deal most effectively with it by developing yourself, or helping a target of bullying stand up for him or herself.